36 Years Ago

36 Years Ago, Vienna 1971—A Student Journal

Day 301: Paris says no


Vienna 1971—A Student Journal
A year of music, study, travel, sightseeing & friends.

Day 301 — Paris says no
29-May-1972 (Montag–Mon.)


Regular day: practice and lessons.

Life doesn’t always go uphill. Well, I was hoping for an answer from Paris and I go it. As I was realistically expecting, I didn’t get it. In spite of being realistic, there was always that slight hope, and thus I am disappointed. Perhaps “feeling sorry for myself” is more like it. It probably would have been so great. But, I simply didn’t have it. And my lack of previous work proved that. Well, I won’t do any rationalizing and instead begin to work harder. I have a long way to catch up but I think I’ll be able to do it.

Motto: Living’s easy. Life’s hard.

Proverb: Don’t count your chickens before the eggs hatch.

Rationalization: Just because someone else doesn’t think I’m great, doesn’t mean I’m not….Ha!

Common sense: Quit shoveling the bull, and do some real work.


Fontainbleau says no. For a second, I was wondering what I was referencing in the journal and then realized it was Fontainbleau. But I had already written about my not getting into Fontainbleau on Day 277 “Note from Nadia Boulanger” (May 5). What gives?

I made a mistake in the blog. Looking back at Day 277, I see that the personal handwritten note from Nadia Boulanger was dated May 2 received on May 5. I thought that the typed letter from the Fontainebleau school was on the same day, but I see now that it was dated May 24, and received today. That means that in 1972, from May 5, I was feeling pretty good from the note and knew that I was not getting a scholarship but was still hoping for a possible admittance. Today, I get the formal letter saying that I did not get the scholarship and was not admitted.

In my depressed state of mind, I write some bizarre pseudo-philosophical statements that don’t make sense (remember, I was depressed). However, I do admit that my “compositional” background and experience is rather weak compared to say an undergraduate composition major.

I should not feel too bad because the implication is that if I had the money, perhaps even reduced a bit, I could have attended. I seem to be somewhat grounded in reality. That’s good. I’ll be fine.

See Day 277, May 5 for a look at both documents.


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